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“Hey Buffy,” Willow greeted as she
walked into the Summers’ house, Xander in tow. “We won’t stay
long, we just wanted to come see you before Riley got back and
took up all your friend-time.”
Buffy avoided their gaze as she closed the door. “Yeah.”
“So what time is Agent Finn due to arrive? Oh eight hundred
hours?” Xander joked, lounging on Buffy’s sofa.
Buffy gave him a look. “It’s noon, Xander. Oh eight hundred was
four hours ago.”
His face fell.
“Do you two have any major, time-consuming plans for the next
week?” Willow asked. “‘Cause Xander and I thought it would be fun
for all of us to go to the beach before school starts.”
“Um, that sounds fun,” she said with an all-too-wide smile. “I’ll
ask if Riley wants to go.”
“Great!” Willow replied with a grin.
“Say Buff,” Xander began, “do you think I could bum some food off
of you? I’d rather not go home for my lunch break. No good food
chez Harris.”
Buffy gave him a genuine smile and led him to the kitchen. “Sure,
go right ahead. Just remember the two nice ladies who live off
this food before you get too crazy.”
“Will do, Buff. Thanks.”
Buffy watched him sadly as he took out a can of soda and started
making a sandwich. Xander had been avoiding home a lot lately,
staying over at Anya’s more often instead. She knew that things
were bad for him at home, but she thought he’d been dealing well
enough. She must’ve thought wrong.
Willow and Xander stayed and chatted for a few minutes more before
leaving, Willow off to continue practice on a complicated new
spell with Tara and Xander back to work. That left Buffy home
alone until her mother showed up, and shortly after that she was
supposed to meet Riley for dinner.
God, Riley…
Buffy fell against the kitchen counter with her head in her hands,
bemoaning her fate. For fate was the key factor in her infidelity,
not any sane choice that she had made.
No, that wasn’t true. She may believe that some kind of
supernatural influence was pulling her towards Spike, but she had
chosen to sleep with him, even though the choice was hardly sane.
She hoped Riley would understand. She had to tell him, of course.
He’d told her about sleeping with Faith, and they’d dealt with
that just fine. The two situations were almost identical, except
for the fact that Riley had at least thought he was with her.
Buffy hadn’t even given him a second thought while she’d been with
Spike.
God, Spike…
She didn’t know what to do about him, either. Given his cocky
attitude last night, she was sure he wouldn’t keep his mouth shut
if he saw Riley, or anyone else she knew for that matter.
This was another reason why Buffy needed to tell Riley about what
happened as soon as she saw him.
She’d start with the story about the Leech. He’d be more
understanding when he knew that a demon was involved, and that she
had to do her Slayer duty. It didn’t feel right, though. No matter
how she told the story, she had still cheated, and there was no
excuse for it. Buffy had never felt more ashamed of herself.
But what made matters worse was that a part of her didn’t regret
it, and a larger part of her wanted more.
Maybe she should research survivors of vampire attacks, see if
they had this same kind of reaction. She knew vampires had strong
attachments to their sires, so maybe that translated in some way
to humans and their… almost sires?
Yeah, Buffy. That almost makes sense.
Riley was going to be heartbroken. She didn’t want to hurt him,
but the damage has already been done, and lying to him wouldn’t be
right or fair. Besides, she knew what it was like to keep secrets
that big – it would be better for her if she just told him.
“Anybody home?”
Her eyes widened when she heard the front door open.
“Riley?”
* * * *
Spike stared at the crypt ceiling when he awoke, not bothering to
get out of bed. The sun was still up and wouldn’t set for a few
hours yet.
Bloody summer.
He’d thought he’d have slept longer, though, given the tiring
exercise he’d been given the night before. He smiled wistfully as
he remembered the feel of the Slayer’s nails clawing into the skin
of his back. Looked like his kitten used her claws.
The Slayer had been amazing; more than he’d expected. They hadn’t
done anything creative, just the simple one plus one equals one
kind of coupling. But she was such a fireball. No doubt she’d
never let loose like that with Joe College.
Spike’s wistful expression melted away. He’d almost forgotten
about that wanker. He’d been gone long enough and no one seemed to
miss his presence… unless maybe that’s why the Slayer had slept
with him last night in the first place. She was lonely and didn’t
have a hot body in her bed, so she’d settled for the nearest
available cold one instead.
That wasn’t right. When he’d looked into her eyes he’d seen her,
not any thoughts of the soldier boy. No, something was brewing
between him and the Slayer, and he wanted to know what she was
feeling. Confusing as his emotions were, he knew what he was
adding to the mix. Spike called what he felt for her love, but he
wasn’t sure she’d see it as such. He couldn’t tell her, she’d kill
him for sure. And she couldn’t possibly love him. But he hadn’t
felt this strongly for anyone since Dru, and in some ways his love
for Buffy was even stronger.
It was strange, knowing that his love for Drusilla was gone. He’d
been carrying a torch for her for the past year, despite the fact
that he’d given up on seeking her out. Sleeping with Angelus? That
he could gloss over; move on from. Making out with a Chaos demon?
Disgusting, but something he could put behind them. But ignoring
him completely for over two months, moving out of town without
telling him, and acting as if he wasn’t there whenever he was near
her? That had been the last straw.
But Spike didn’t love her anymore. Couldn’t now, not when he felt
so strongly for Buffy.
At that point in his musings, Spike grew curious. Why did he love
the Slayer? Sure, she was a hot little thing, and as he’d learned
the night before, amazing in bed, but why did he want to be with
her? Why didn’t he want her dead? Why did he want to protect her?
Why was it that every time he looked at her, he felt like he was
looking into the face of his salvation?
Spike rose out of bed and snorted at that thought. Salvation.
Damnation was more like it. His feelings must come from the chip.
It made him so he couldn’t hurt humans; now he was starting to
feel for them. And who would he be more likely to feel for than
the person he’d hated most?
Well, actually he hated Angel a bit more. But the blighter wasn’t
human, and lucky for that.
He wouldn’t admit it, but part of him wanted to be saved. He
wanted to be accepted by her stupid friends, though not because he
liked them. Well, maybe the blonde one… Tara? She was a bit of
alright. And he liked Willow well enough, and that Anya girl. She
was the easiest to relate to, despite the fact that she had the
bad taste to be with Xander.
Well, okay, so he liked the girls well enough. Xander and the
Watcher were the only two who gave him much trouble. Although
Rupert wasn’t so bad…
Oh, buggering hell. The Slayer was turning him into some sort of
puffed up marshmallow. He was going soft. He needed to think of
ripping all of their throats out, quick. So he did. One by one,
throat by throat. While he wasn’t too bothered by the mental
imagery in his head, he did grow bored. He didn’t want to kill
them.
Damn it. As if falling for the Slayer wasn’t bad enough.
* * * *
“Hey,” Riley greeted when she met him by the stairs. He pulled her
into his arms for a kiss. “Surprised to see me?”
Buffy smiled brightly. “Um…”
“I know, I should’ve called, but it was worth it to see the look
on your face when I walked in. Is your mom home?”
“Uh, no.”
“Good,” he replied almost sheepishly, taking her hand. “I’ve
missed you.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Riley leaned down and kissed her again, this time more deeply.
Buffy stood frozen against him before pulling away.
“I’m sorry,” she told his chest.
“What’s wrong? Hey, Buffy—look at me. Are you okay?”
She shook her head, and all she wanted was to run away and cry.
Just for a little while. Then maybe she could come back and this
would be easier. “Can we sit down?”
Riley nodded, following her into the living room. They sat on the
couch, a comfortable distance apart, and he held her hand.
“What’s wrong, Buffy?”
“Um, well, when you were gone there was this demon. It attacked
S-Spike.” Get a grip, Buffy. “And it could only be killed
by one of its victims, so we had to help him get better so he
could kill it, and, well… I let him bite me.”
Riley blinked. “You let a demon bite you?”
“No. Well, yes. I mean… I meant Spike.”
Riley’s eyes widened. Buffy bowed her head, feeling shame wash
over her. If he was that surprised about the bite…
“Where?” he asked.
“What?”
“Where did you let him bite you?”
Unconsciously her hand went to her neck, to cover the scar there,
but Riley pulled it away. She saw something unrecognizable in his
eyes as he looked at the scarred flesh, but it was then replaced
with disappointment and hurt.
“What happened after that?” he asked, sensing that there was more
to the story.
“Well, he killed the demon.”
Buffy cowered at the look in his eyes. Riley was angry, although
she wasn’t sure if he was angry at her or not.
“Riley…”
“I’m sorry, Buffy. I just don’t understand why you would let—that
thing bite you. He shouldn’t even be able to!”
“Well,” she replied in the calmest tone she could manage, “he did.
And the chip did go off.”
“That doesn’t make sense. How could he bite you and the chip go
off at the same time?”
“He just kind of ignored it.”
“You don’t understand, Buffy. The chip we put in his head was
designed to cause intense neurological pain. Crippling
pain.”
“I don’t know what to say, Riley. That’s what happened.”
“So he killed the demon. Is that it?”
Buffy was about to say “no” and tell him the rest, which was the
hard part, when the door opened and her mother walked in.
“Mom,” she greeted in surprise, and a little to her relief. “What
are you doing home so early?”
“I told you before I went to bed last night that the gallery was
closing early today,” Joyce replied as she hung up her coat. She
caught sight of Riley and smiled. “Riley! It’s good to see you
back. I thought you weren’t coming in until tonight? Buffy said
something about dinner?”
“Well, I caught an early plane so I could surprise her,” he
replied, a tinge of bitterness in his tone. “I was just about to
leave, though,” he added, standing. He turned to Buffy and looked
her in the eye. “We still on for dinner?”
Buffy nodded silently, and he gave her a curt nod before saying
goodbye to her mother and walking out the door. Joyce turned to
her daughter.
“Is everything alright?”
“Yeah,” Buffy lied with a smile. “Everything’s fine.”
* * * *
Riley arrived back at the drab, little apartment he’d been living
in since the beginning of the summer and started unpacking his
car. He’d gone straight from the airport to Buffy’s because he
couldn’t wait to see her, but after the conversation they’d had he
was tense. She’d seemed so distant—more so than usual, that is—and
when he’d kissed her she hadn’t kissed him back. Was she angry at
him for being gone for so long? He didn’t know.
Once inside his room he dropped his luggage onto the floor and
then fell on his bed, not bothering to unpack.
She’d let Spike bite her. Why would she do that? Sure, she’d said
something about trying to cure him or something, but why would
anyone willingly let a vampire bite them? It didn’t make any
sense.
Except she’d done it before.
She’d told him all about Angel. The good, the bad, the ugly, and
the uglier. He could understand more why she’d let him bite
her, but letting Spike do it didn’t add up. She’d been in love
with Angel, and his life was in danger. As far as he could judge
from what he’d seen, Buffy wanted nothing more than for Spike to
be dead, but something always held her back.
Was this all about Spike? Her uneasiness, the guilt in her eyes?
She hadn’t told him the whole story. He had a feeling that the
vampire was further involved, but he wouldn’t get anymore from
Buffy until they met for dinner.
So it looked like he needed to pay Spike a visit.
* * * *
Buffy couldn’t stay at home. Her mother was in such a good mood
that being around her almost made her sick, so she’d said
something about paying Giles a visit and then left. Once outside,
she found herself heading towards the cemetery.
She needed to talk to Spike about the night before. She couldn’t
allow him to harbor any delusions that they were somehow now a
couple or something.
How weird would that be? Hi, my name’s Buffy, and this is my
boyfriend Spike. Careful, he bites.
Although he hadn’t tried to bite her again, which was weird. You’d
think that when his chip stopped working he’d go for them all, but
he was actually… behaving. That didn’t make any sense,
either. Nothing made sense anymore.
In her usual style, Buffy kicked the door open before entering.
“Spike?
“You called?” he answered, emerging from a corner of the crypt…
that had a fridge in it. How did she not notice that the last time
she’d seen him? Spike with a mini-fridge was also weird...
“Hi,” she greeted awkwardly as he slowly moved towards her, a very
smug smile on his face. She wanted to slap it off of him, but all
she seemed capable of doing was standing there nervously. “We need
to talk about what happened last night.”
“We do at that. It was quite rude of you to kick me out like that,
Slayer. Do you do that to all the boys when you’re finished with
them?”
Buffy reared her fist back and punched him in the nose. She’d
almost forgotten what a pig he could be.
“What was that, Spike? What are you playing at?”
Spike glared at her as he wiped the blood from his nose. “I’m not
playing anything, Slayer. And you were there last night. You know
bloody well what it was.”
“I have a boyfriend, Spike. You can’t just expect me to…”
“To what? Shag my brains out? Been there and done that, love. No
point in denying it now. What are you going to do with him when
gets back?”
“He’s already back,” she replied.
Spike’s face fell. He didn’t think it’d be that soon. “Oh. So what
did you tell him?”
Buffy lowered her eyes to the floor. “I didn’t get to tell him
about everything. Not about… last night.”
Spike tilted his head to the side as he watched her. “What did
last night mean to you, Buffy?”
Her eyes met his. “Mean to me? It was humiliating, Spike. I’ve
never been so disgusted with myself.”
He grabbed her by the arm. “Don’t say that. You could’ve turned me
away dozens of times, and yet you were right there with me.”
“Spike…”
“No, you tell me! I can’t sit in here and think of you all day
while you laugh at me behind my back. What am I to you?”
Buffy blinked. “You’re a vampire.”
Spike dropped her arm and nodded. “Right, then. So why don’t you
go ahead and kill me, hmm? I’m sure you’ve got a stake on you.”
She gasped as he slid his hand down her waist and pulled the stake
out of her back pocket.
“There, go ahead. Kill me. It’s what you do to vampires, so if
that’s all I am to you, then do it.”
Spike stood back a little and opened his arms, inviting her to
plunge the stake into his heart. Buffy stared at the piece of wood
in her hand before meeting his eyes and weakly pressing the stake
against his chest.
“You’re gonna have to push harder than that, love.”
Buffy whimpered, her hand shaking.
She couldn’t do it. Spike was right, she did have feelings for
him, but where they came from or what they meant was a mystery to
her. Sighing in resignation, she dropped the stake to her side.
“Fine,” she admitted. “But don’t get your hopes up. That doesn’t
mean anything.”
“It means I mean something to you, so you can’t act like last
night was some huge mistake.”
“It was a mistake!” she spat. “I have a boyfriend, Spike!
Riley—remember him? I don’t sleep around!”
“Then why did you sleep with me?” he asked. “Thought you hated
me.”
Buffy raised her eyebrows at that argument. “Thought you hated
me.”
Spike blinked. “Well, I don’t. Not anymore. Well, maybe a little…”
Buffy felt out of place all of a sudden, as if it were a Buffy
from a different time who was standing with Spike now. As if she
was just your average girl, and for all intents and purposes, he
was just an average guy.
That was probably why she suddenly felt so sorry for him.
“We can’t do it again, Spike. You do know that, right?”
Spike opened his mouth to argue that point, but then realized what
he was doing. What was happening? Was he trying to be the Slayer’s
boyfriend? That Leech demon must’ve done more of a number
on him than he thought.
“Right,” he finally responded.
Buffy sighed, surprisingly frustrated that he’d given her the
answer she wanted. “I’m glad we talked this over,” she said.
Spike nodded in agreement. “Right, me too.”
“I guess I’ll just go now.”
“You do that.”
They didn’t hear the door bang open when his next visitor entered
the crypt.
“What’s going on?”
Buffy and Spike turned to the open doorway where Riley stood.
“Riley!” Buffy squeaked. “W-w-what are you doing here?”
“I was about to ask you the same thing,” he replied, his
suspicions rising. “I came to talk to Spike.”
Spike sighed. Bollocks.
“Well, I-I was just leaving, so…”
“Wait,” said Riley, putting his hand up as she walked towards the
door. “I want to know what’s going on with you two.”
Buffy’s mouth was moving, but no sound came out.
“Don’t worry your oversized head about it,” Spike finally said.
“Took a bite out of the Slayer is all. Didn’t think she’d get all
dainty and tell you about it.”
Riley glared at him. “She did. She acted like there was more.”
Spike snorted. “Right, like there’d be any more than that. She’s
probably just embarrassed ‘cause she liked it so much. Isn’t that
right, Slayer?”
Buffy shot him a confused and aggravated look. What was he doing,
covering for her? Why would he care if Riley knew about them? And
she liked getting bitten? He was making her look like some
kind of vamp tramp!
“Is that really all, Buffy?” Riley asked quietly.
Buffy turned to him, about to tell him more, when she realized
something. If Spike was going to let this go, then maybe she could
as well. It would be so much easier…
“Um, yeah,” she lied. “That’s it.”
The three glanced at each other back and forth before Spike gave
the others a look of impatience and they left.
He could’ve kept up the charade that he didn’t care, the one that
he and the others were falling for, if Buffy hadn’t given him a
last, confused glance before the door closed behind them.
He couldn’t lie to himself. Spike wanted her more in that moment
than he ever had. But she had her boy toy back, so what was he
going to do?
Muck it all up, of course.
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