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Chapter Two
When She Was Loved

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"I love you," Spike whispered against her lips as his rough hands gently caressed her smooth skin. This is where she wanted to be, where she could feel his blood pumping through his veins as he touched her. "Love you," he mumbled as he deepened the kiss. He slowly pushed her down onto the bed, never breaking contact. He lifted her shirt until it was just below her breasts, continually running his hands up and down her middle.

"You're," she said shakily as she reached to touch the side of his face. "You're so… warm."

"I need you," he groaned, and she could feel him hardening against her thigh. "I need you."

He pushed her shirt over her head. As soon as the material was tossed aside, he returned his lips to hers. Buffy shuddered at his touch. There was so much desire, so much need… so much love. She hadn't felt like this since she'd been with Angel. I'm loved.

Buffy moaned as his lips traveled beneath her jaw line. She clutched onto his back as he pulled her pants down her legs.

"Wait," she said as he removed them. "The door. We should… ahh," she moaned as his lips reached a certain spot. "We should lock the door."

"It's locked, luv," he whispered into her ear. "No one's coming. Except for you and me," he added with a grin before his lips returned to her neck.

Buffy closed her eyes and inhaled slowly. Her heart was beating a thousand miles a minute and so was his. Tears came to her eyes as she became overwhelmed by the sensation. He was so warm, and she wanted to feel his warm flesh against hers. She pulled at his shirt which she had been clutching onto and pulled it over his head. They both moaned as their skin made contact.

Warm… so warm...

They panted loudly as they faced each other, their noses touching, eyes searching for what they needed.

"I love you," she said slowly and with some difficulty. Spike smiled widely, showing all of his teeth as he did so.

"You love me," he replied.

Buffy smiled, realizing that her words had felt true.

"You love me," he repeated as he planted kisses down her body. "You love me, you love me..."

Buffy laced her fingers through his hair, sighing ecstatically as he removed her panties. She moaned loudly as his tongue pressed through folds of flesh and into her. "Oh god," she moaned as one of her hands shot over her head and grabbed onto a post on the headboard. "Oh... god."

After a few moments Spike slowly lifted his head and looked at her. His lips were shining and Buffy gasped as she felt his warm breath on her. He crawled, hands on either side of her body, up the bed until his face was over hers again. Buffy waited impatiently, her eyes wide and filled with desire. His lips locked to hers as her hands traveled down to his waist and under the elastic band at his pants. He hastily aided her in removing them and then propped himself above her. He pushed inside of her. At first she feared he would be pushed right out, but her slick center welcomed him in. He started slowly, eyes on her as he gently moved his hips against hers. She could see the hunger shining in his eyes as he watched her, and soon he was thrusting harder and faster. It felt raw, it felt hard, and it felt right. Buffy clutched onto the headboard with both hands and Spike's covered hers as they moaned together. He dipped his head to where the bridge of his nose met her collarbone and continued to thrust inside of her. Buffy moaned loudly and felt her vaginal muscles clamping down on him. She tried to fight it as long as she could, wanting it to last, wanting him to be inside of her forever. His left hand found its way to her left breast, sending a new surge of pleasure through her.

"Oh god," he moaned gutturally. "My girl. My special girl..."

"Oh god," she moaned with him as he moved even faster inside of her. She wrapped her legs around his waist, letting him in deeper.

"Buffy," he said in a high, girly voice. "Buffy, wake up."

The last thing she saw before her eyes shot open was Spike's disappointed, horrified face. Buffy sat up quickly and gasped for air.

She had been drowning. In Spike, in that world she'd left behind... the world that wasn't real. She wanted it back.

Dawn sat beside her on her bed, holding a mug in her hand with a frothy blue liquid inside of it. Buffy glared at her, the interrupter of her happiness.

"Having a nice dream?" her sister asked bitterly.

Buffy became slightly more lucid as she realized that Dawn was angry with her. She had been so forgiving and understanding after the incident in the basement, but now her eyes were on fire.

Buffy didn't answer. Instead she licked her dry lips and asked, "Is that the antidote?"

Dawn nodded and shoved the mug under her sister's nose. "Willow and Tara just finished it. Drink."

Buffy took the mug in her hands and stared at it. Best Mom in the World. She closed her eyes and saw her mother standing over her in the asylum. "Buffy?" she called hopefully as she moved towards her. "Have you come back to me?"

"Buffy, drink the antidote." She opened her eyes to see Dawn's concerned face in front of hers. "Drink it."

His heart was beating against my chest...

Buffy quickly downed the contents of the mug and coughed. "Oh my god, that's disgusting."

"It didn't smell too great brewing downstairs, either."

Dawn took the mug from her sister's hand as Buffy clasped it to her chest, still coughing.

"Are you better now?" Dawn's voice was tinged with bitterness again. Buffy met her eyes.


"Good. Maybe you could explain to me what's going on between you and Spike?"

"What?" sputtered Buffy in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

"I saw him in here touching you. Alone."

Buffy wracked her brain, trying to call up a memory that wouldn't cause her to flash back to William in the asylum. She remembered seeing Dawn's face in the doorway, her eyes wide in surprise as Spike rolled off of her own prostrate body. "That was Spike. I-I was hallucinating, I couldn't control myself. You know how he is with me."

"You know, it's bad enough that I wasn't even in your little psycho-ward world, now I feel like I shouldn't even be here."

"Dawnie, no..."

"You're lying to me, Buffy! I heard you. Every word you spoke is burned into my brain. A girl who sleeps with a vampire she hates."

Buffy shook her head. "Dawn, I was speaking nonsense. You know I would never..."

Dawn's eyes slammed shut in frustration. "STOP IT! Stop... Stop lying to me! I heard you moaning in your sleep. I saw Spike practically on top of you. I heard you say that you're sleeping with him. You can't say anything, Buffy. I know."

Buffy stared at her, feeling her weakness fade away and her anger rise. "You don't know anything," she said in a dangerously low voice. "Stay out of it."

Dawn rose from the bed and lifted her chin in the air. She looked down at her sister. "Tell that to Spike, if you hate him so much."

With that she stormed out of the room. Buffy's hands shook with rage. It wasn't all because of Dawn. Warren and Jonathan did this to her. They made her see things.

Spike pressed his lips against her skin.

They made her feel things... things that weren't real. She stared at the mug in her hands. Best Mom in the World.

She flung it against her wall and it shattered loudly.

It wasn't love. She knew that now. Tears welled in her eyes and her teeth grinded together. The next time she saw those idiots, she wouldn't hold anything back. She would kill them.


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